As far back as we can recall, we have been making friends. Some who we grow with and some who we lose along the way. Over the past month or so I have been dealing with people in my life who have called themselves friends but recently, they have been far from that. Webster Dictionary defines friends as: "one attached by affection or esteem." What it does not define is trust. Trust has to be earned whether it is in a friendship form or another form of relationship. We as humans build trust through communication and without it trust cannot be established. We talk and tell stories to one another about our life- the past, the present and the future. We want to express ourselves to see if there are any similarities that can be shared between one another. Bonding is a way of life and not all those who we bond with will be there till the end.
For years I have struggled to make friends, but if you ask any of them or my family they will tell you that it is not hard for me. They will tell you that I am a social person which helps me make friends easily; at least in their eyes that is how they see it. That is not the case... I am a pretty guarded person and for awhile I thought that it was a bad thing (well in some cases it can be-but that will be another blog post). Due to some life experiences, it has been really hard for me to open up to people, to express my concern and to openly trust them. In the past couple months or so, I have been realizing that not all friends will last a life time, when I should have known that way before now. I had opened up to someone in the past and told them about something very personal and a year later they just stomped all over it and brushed it off like it was nothing. That did not make me feel good whatsoever. They took something I expressed to them and just tossed it in the trash not really thinking about my feelings but only caring about themselves. Sadly, I let it get to me. I am an emotional person, so ya, I cried about it. This person who I trusted did not care about anything I had said to them-was it all just words? Impossible, because it obviously affected them because we both sat and cried. I could feel the emotion that night in the room and how I felt safe when they had told me that everything was going to be okay. But now... I just feel betrayed and at a loss.
This is a part of growing up though or so I have heard. Not everyone will be apart of your life- they will come and go. I know now to be more cautious about who I want to open up to- even though I am more hesitant to do so. I had discovered that it is okay not to have a bunch of friends, but to limit yourself to a few very good ones. When I think about it, I think I have four or five really good friends-people who do not take me for granted, people who care about me and my feelings and they make me a better person. Those are people we need to surround ourselves with, not people who tear us down and make us feel like shit.
I wrote down a few tips in my journal about how to go about the process of losing a friend or friendship:
1. Take a deep breath. Like I said before, people come and go. It will be okay!
2. Write down what you think makes a good friend. It really helps you discover the kind of person you want to surround yourself with.
3. Call or text a really good friend or a close family member. You do not have to tell them what is going on (unless you want t0) but just talk to them. Let them know how much you appreciate them and their company in your life.
4. Do something for yourself. Do something that makes you happy and try to forget about the feeling of betrayal. For example, I listened to music and danced around my bedroom to get out all the negative energy.
5. Realize that you are a good person and that you will find new people that will bring you up.
This may not work for everyone and you can add some other tips or strategies that can help you. Friendship can be tricky, but there are so many people in this world that you can befriend. You do not have to open up to everyone and I mean that! You can choose who you want to do that with. It is your life and your choice! Even if you do choose to open up, that does not mean that you HAVE to tell them everything. Start with little things because a little bit of trust goes a long way.
*Image is not mine*